August 28, 2004

Like anybody with at least three-quarters of a functioning brain, I'd rather vote for a bag of sand and gravel than George W. Bush. But that doesn't mean that I'm part of the MoveOn-donating, "fuggedaboutit!"-shouting, Moore-fellating hoards. I'm a liberal, sure, but not dogmatic about it.

So I have a lot of trouble in the bumper sticker department. Bumper stickers are all about pithy one-liners, and that's exactly what's wrong with political debate these days. You can't fit nuance into the space.

So instead of being all negative about it -- Me? Never! -- I'd like to propose some new stickers, for those few of us who still sit somewhere between the handles on the political see-saw. If you look back fondly on the days of a "sensible center," baby, these are for you.

First, something that notes opposition to the invasion of Iraq, while still leaving room for war as a legitimate means of defense:

WAR IS NOT USUALLY THE ANSWER

Next, an expression of disapprove of the current administration, without playing petty tit-for-tat:

IMPEACH BUSH
If He Commits What Is Constitutionally
Defined as an Impeachable Offense. Until
then, Just Vote Against Him, as I Plan To.

For those who appreciate the difference between the popular vote and how presidents are actually elected:

RE-DEFEAT BUSH
And This Time, in
the Electoral College,
Too!

And finally, if you're interested in expressing an opinion on your fiscal priorities:

IT WILL BE A GREAT DAY WHEN
SCHOOLS HAVE ALL THE MONEY THEY
NEED AND THE MILITARY HAS TO HOLD
A BAKE SALE TO BUY A BOMBER.
WELL, MAYBE "GREAT" IS TOO STRONG
A WORD. "IRONIC" WORKS BETTER.
HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD ADEQUATELY
FUND BOTH, AS DEFENSE AND EDUCATION
ARE LEGITIMATE PRIORITIES. WE
COULD GET THE MONEY BY REVERSING THE
RECENT TAX CUTS THAT LARGELY WENT TO
THE RICHEST 1% OF THE POPULATION,
FOR A START.

But I'd need to a get an SUV to have a bumper big enough to fit that sticker, and I'm not that much of an asshole.

Do you have any ideas? Post 'em in the comments!

MC Deathray added:

I'M NOT A LIBERAL
I just hate Bush

IP Dispassionately added:

LICK BUSH
(GET IT? IT'S A DOUBLE ENTENDRE. AND SAUCY, TOO!)

Ponyboy added:

BUSH KNEW ABOUT 9/11: And Continued to Read "My Pet Goat" for Seven Minutes After He Found Out

bgm added:

I VOTE AND I VOTE

Jefe added:

You Do Not Have To Be A Radical To Oppose Bush

Jeph added:

How ironic; I'm a heterosexual male that hates Bush!

John added:

WHY CHANGE HORSEMEN MID-APOCALYPSE?

(Okay, I stole that one, but it's still good)

Mike added:

George W. Bush: The evil of two lessers.

bottleless added:

What a bunch of whack-jobs!

Move out of your parent's houses and get a life!

Four More Years!!!!
BC04

M. Currie added:

This from my late sister, back in the 60's:

Gradualism Now!

autoegocrat added:

Eschew obfuscation

Don't blame me, I voted with the majority!

Support our troops: Elect a war veteran!

Cruelty and neglect are not social policies.

Revenge is not a foreign policy.

Greed is not an economic policy.

Oil costs too much.

Flip-flops are more comfortable than combat boots, and easier on your sole.

WhatDoesJohnKerryStandFor added:

"Defeat George Bush"
sincerely,
Kim Jong Il,
Al Qaeda,
Mohammar Ghadafi,
Mahathir Mohamad,
Iran,
France,
Canada,
Hollywood.

BiggerWimpThanHisDad added:

Who would Jesus bomb?

Swift Boat Vets for Bush the Chickenhawk Coward!

WhoAmIToday? added:

Kerry '04

Because he's not afraid to take every side on every issue!

Who'sSideAmIOn? added:

Kerry '04

Because the international community listens to what he says, just ask the Vietkong!

HolyCowWhatAChoice added:

Kerry '04

Because if you dont vote for me you get Hillary in '08.

BillClinton added:

Kerry '04

Because saying he believes something doesn't make it so!

WhichWayDidHeGo? added:

Kerry '04

Warning: this car changes directions frequently.

Hugh Jass added:

"Four More Months!"

Somone who is more complex than the simplistic media label of either liberal or conservative added:

Anybody but Bush (just kidding -- it's a figure of speach. Like, I don't mean either Dick Cheney or Ralph Nader, for example. And I still hate my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Hiemstra. Gore would probably be too divisive, but I like the courage he's shown lately.)

a white heterosexual male of european descent to eschews labels and prefers to see the basic humanit added:

"Bush-Cheney '04: Probably Better Than a Bag of Sand and Gravel"

Tree Loving Dirt Worshiper added:

Teach Abstinence:
No More Bush
(cafepress.com/sisbro)

some jackass saw that on my car and said 'so your against teaching abstinence? you must not have daughters.'

yes, I am against that too and nearly everything else bush stands for but did you miss the point bonehead?

really hate bumper stickers too, think we all need a heads up display that covers our whole back window so we can change our note to things like 'get off my bumper you brain dead republican hosemonkey' or when in the bay area 'let me in, I have no insurance and dont care if I smash your car'

whats really scary is that when you look around --nearly-- half the people you see voted for him, even smart people, thanks to Fox, the right wing propaganda machine

Andy Baio added:

I'm stunned how many people are completely missing the point of the post. They're supposed to be nuanced takes on activist catch phrases. So, for example, "NO BLOOD FOR OIL" becomes:

SOME BLOOD FOR OIL, SINCE IT'S A VITAL NATIONAL INTEREST, BUT SHOULDN'T WE REALLY BE TAKING A SERIOUS LOOK A RENEWABLE SOURCES OF ENERGY?

AndyBaioIsAnIdiot added:

Kerry '04

Because Andy Baio is a moron and is on our side!

(cuz he thinks that everyone should follow the lead post and not use this forum for whatever they want, dude, its the internet stupid, there are no rules)

AndyBaioIsAnIdiot added:

Kerry '04

Because Andy Baio is a moron and is on our side!

(cuz he thinks that everyone should follow the lead post and not use this forum for whatever they want, dude, its the internet stupid, there are no rules)

AndyBaioIsAnIdiot added:

Kerry '04

Because Andy Baio is a moron and is on our side!

(cuz he thinks that everyone should follow the lead post and not use this forum for whatever they want, dude, its the internet stupid, there are no rules)

arensb added:

How about:

"Marriage is such a sacred institution that we must deny it to those who would fight for it."

Sex Fiend added:

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

bz added:

> And then Sex Fiend said:
> Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like working really hard so you can have a restful retirement. Oh wait.

Ponyboy added:

I HAVE NUANCED AND VARIED POLITICAL OPINIONS ON A WIDE VARIETY OF SUBJECTS AND I VOTE!

Tee Hee added:

BRING OUR TROOPS HOME
taking into account the need for stability and rebuilding in Iraq and the responsibility of our army, as a conquering force, to the Iraqi people who are now both Saddam free, which is a plus, and without infrastructure, which is less good.

ReligiousLeft added:

Conservatives Killed Jesus

(If anybody knows where I could actually get one of these, let me know)

melior added:

NO WAR FOR OIL (except that there's not really any oil flowing from Iraq right now 'cause the pipelines have been blown up again and it's still too unsafe for any Westerners to go in and repair them and then there are still the outstanding oil contracts that Russia had with Iraq to sort out before we can claim it)

BringKerryToDC added:

Kerry '04

Because it would be nice if he would drop on by sometime

- The Senate

Ben added:

What the fuck? Where are you people coming from? I have trouble believing so many conservatives read glassdog. (Please stop shitting all over the comments section. This is not a discussion forum.)

BreakUpTheDemocraticParty added:

Kerry '04

Because I will show the Two Americas how the better America lives!

BreakUpTheDeocraticParty added:

Kerry '04

Because 'W' stands for work. Im going "W"indsurfing.

CallMeFlipper added:

Kerry '04

Because when I come to a fork in the road ... I take it!

CaliGirl added:

Go Bush Go! Kerry says he's got a plan for getting our Iraq troops out of there, but he says its secret and he won't tell us.... how are we supposed to vote for a man like Kerry who doesn't even want to express his ideas for the war to the people who are voting for him...
Go 2004!
Ps- for people that are going to respond angrily to me about this and complain and try to tell me that somehow bush killed people... then come at me with all you got! Terrorist troops from IRAQ killed hundreds of AMERICANS on 9/11 and we shouldn't just turn our heads and walk away.... our country isn't free anymore... its under attack... if i were old enough to join the airforce and help fight for our freedom... then i would... give me a year and i'll be out on the battlefield.

RebelLady added:

Anyone with a basic understanding of the Constitution and the bill of Rights in 2004

smikalow added:

Kerry or Revalution

Mdowd8587 added:

I have been a republican for years. I self started 3 companies on my own. Since G.W.B. and his outsourcing I have lost most of our business with 2 of the companies. I also had to sell the last business. GWB. is an idiot.

Liberal as in Open to New Ideas added:

I don't think we need a new bumper sticker. Adapt what we have been given. I just go up to the big SUVs (or any vehicle dull enough to proclaim its bovine nature) with the new nondescript W '04 stickers (I guess vague is best for the New World Order lemmings) and write -ar next to that capital W to complete the thought. Four More = More War!

ChaCha added:

Oh! I love all the idiotic republican bullshit...its so 1984!
how about this as a bumper sticker:

"When People Start Thinking, Democrats Win"

Cha Chan added:

I love these bumper stickers:
Keep The Government Out Of My Uterus

Clinton/Gore 2004

Native Californian=Can't Afford To Live Here

Trust Me, we'll "find" Osama on November 1st.

Vote For Bush 2004: If You Can't Afford Cable, Then You Don't Need The News.

1,000 Dead, One Mans Vindication is 1,000 Families Tears.

1,000 dead...and NO CLOSER

Cha Cha added:

I have ONE MORE thing to pass on....

Vote For Bush 2004: What Bodies? Where?

(oh! thats right! the Bush Admin won't ALLOW any photographers/publishers to take photo's/ publish any caskets of dead military soldier's. THE FIRST PHOTO OF AN OPEN CASKET CEREMONY IS COMING OUT IN HARPERS MAG THIS MONTH. PICK IT UP. THIS ISNT HOLLYWOOD, AMERICAN BOYS AND GIRLS ARE BEING KILLED AND NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT!!!!! AND THE GOVT. IS TRYING TO SMOOTHE IT OVER LIKE NOTHING IS HAPPENING!!!! OPEN YOUR EYES. JUST READ SOMETHING, ANYTHING! AND THEN MAKE THE RIGHT DESCISION WHEN YOU VOTE! EVEN IF ITS AGAINST WHAT I BELIEVE OR ANYONE ELSE BELIEVES, JUST EDUCATE YOURSELF, AND THEN VOTE. AND IF YOU ARE BETWEEN 18-30, THEN YOU BETTER VOTE LIBERAL, BECAUSE ONCE THE VOLUNTARY MILITARY IS KILLED, YOU ARE THE ONES THAT ARE GETTING SENT THERE...THINK!!!!!

Could someone explain to CaliGirl (Callgirl?) that Iraq had NOTHING to do with 9/11?

Ok I will. CALIGIRL! George W said it himself, no connection between 9/11 and Iraq!


Bumper sticker(?):
Regime Change begins at home! -Preferably through the process of democratic elections. Otherwise a Constitutional crisis may occur and this,in turn, would delay the transfer of power.

Mr Benny added:

Osama:
1 day
2 1/2 buildings
Approx. 3750 civilian deaths

Bush:
Over 1 year
Who knows how many destroyed buildings
Over 12,000 civilian deaths.

Who's the bigger terrorist???

Mr Benny added:

Bumpersticker suggestion:

Out, out damned Bush! Out, I say!

Vote that dummy monkeyhead off the island NOW added:

didja ever notice how most bush stickers you see are on SUVs... hmm.......

Ho John Skerry added:

Terrorist For Kerry!

Ho John Skerry added:

Lesbos Love Bush!

John F. K. added:

I voted for John Kerry...

...before I voted against him.

Ho Chi Kerry added:

November 2 is gonna be great! Are all you losers going to leave the country? hahahahahaha

OurFearlessLeader added:

How could any of you anti-Americans not vote for our beloved president G.W.Bush? Here is a man who in the midst of the greatest police action of his time had the fortitude and courage to join the Air National Guard ahead of 100,000 previous applicants (with a pilot aptitude score of 25%, 77% being average, and 95% of all other applicants scoring higher) and proudly and heroically defend Texas from Oklahoma. I say we forget about this whole election stuff and go ahead and finish what the Patriot act started, and abolish the constitution and re-appoint Bush as President. I mean, isn't it obvious that everything he tells us is true, wise, and noble. It's such a burden for the poorer classes to have to keep up with all the issues that they’re not smart enough to understand anyway. Just because you lost your job because IBM decided that they can pay some foreign worker to do it for less money and without any government oversight, doesn't mean your not doing great. Thousands of new jobs are being created everyday under Bush's leadership. Places like Wal-Mart and Pizza Hut are full of opportunities. No need to worry that these new jobs don't have any health benefits because if you and your family will just have the proper respect and faith in Bush. Everything will eventually be all right

"Support Our Troops Except When They Sodomize People"

ethan added:

I found this site that has those cool Bush stickers - if your into Bush that is.
http://www.w04stickers.com

wood jablome added:

Spreading our Liberty Worldwide

M. Askari added:

hoards?

jobycom added:

Support our troops by defeating the liar who sent them to die.

Bush: impeach, arrest and prosecute.

Bush: Unless you are a billionaire or a terrorist, he hasn't helped you.

If Bush could read, we'd still have the World Trade Center.

Bush: Making the world safe for terrorists, and no one else.

I hope Bush vows to get me dead or alive, because then I will live forever.

Democrats earn their money, Republicans steal it.

Bush: Bringing America back (from peace and prosperity).

Bush: Because there are more Enrons and Halliburtons.

Bush cut taxes exactly the same way my Visa card gave me a raise.

Vote for Bush: Sure, he'll kill a lot of innocent children, but he'll give you a little money on the side.

Vote for Bush, or Kerry, or Nader: Doesn't matter, Jeb is governor.

Mark Brewer added:

I just saw the "Lick Bush and Dick in '04" bumper sticker and was trying to find where to by one to go with the one I made up "The World is to scarey to elect John Kerry" I can't bring myself to vote for either. NONE of the Above in '04 might be the best bumper sticker

Diotima added:

Al Qaeda Killed 3,000 Americans and they are terrorists. Bush killed 1,000 and he's a hero.

Kerry's a washrag, but look at our choices.

I'm not voting for Kerry, I'm voting against Bush.

pick a side, your just like kerry

BE A FAIRY, VOTE FOR KERRY!!!

liberal SOB's

flushdjohns added:

For Commander in Chief, we need a beacon not a weathervane!

dog lover added:

I have a dog, and I vote.

Brooke added:

Bush is the best thing that has happened to this country if you havent realized the problems that he's had was bc Clinton brought it apond Bush! Bush such an awesome man and haha He's still going to be our President so everything you say dont matter!!! hahaha

Interesting thoughts, just wanted to mention I came from blogspot.

chilly added:

Who Would Jesus Deny Benefits

bloggin babe added:

Liars and idiots got their fearless leader. God help America.

the bumber sticker placed on the right wing of Air Force One:

Who Would Jesus Sell Out To?

bush_whacker added:

Found this web site that has some pretty funny and appropriate bumper stickers.

http://www.ratrage.com

I like (in this order):
1. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, NOT THE IDIOT.
2. EITHER BUS IS AN IDIOT, OR YOU ARE.
3. I'VE HAD ENOUGH BUSH.
4. BUSH IS A TRAIN WRECK.

Pretty funny.

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