October 5, 2004

Multimillionaire Blogger founder Evan Williams is leaving Google and the Blogger application behind as he cashes in and checks out, deciding to become a monk in Thailand where full-body massages are, like, $2 an hour or something insane like that, meaning he can afford to literally be massaged constantly for the rest of his life.

"I'm bored. I'm tired. I'm incredibly thin and frankly I want to eat a lot of beef. I'm rich, I'm young, I'm relatively attractive and I'm available, but only to women who are equally as thin, rich, attractive and, please, no bisexuals," he did not say.

Williams announced his impending departure via his weblog, going on to say, "And I'm sick to death of all you stupid blog people. Your lives are meaningless and impossibly dull and now that I have more money than God, I'm going to lord it around and smirk and swagger and just generally take advantage of people. I'm voting for Bush and I can't wait to see what it's like to be part of a shadow government."

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