Choose Heterosexuality!

November 3, 2004

On behalf of fags everywhere, I want to apologize for the 2004 election's predictable disaster. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say very plainly: "Gays lost Kerry the White House."

Over the last two years, some really exciting things happened that set the stage for the legitimization of homosexuality: the US Supreme Court ruled that Texas sodomy laws were an invasion of privacy; the MA Supreme Court ruled that laws banning same-sex marriage were unconstitutional; and SF Mayor Gavin Newsom began issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. Wow! What an exciting time to be gay - finally, legal recognition that being gay is not immoral because it is not a choice; rather, it's a core facet of the human condition.

Unfortunately, legal recognition of faggotry scares the shit out of the morality police -- even though state recognition of marriage has nothing to do with religion or morality. Sadly, the backlash against legal rulings recognizing homosexuality in San Francisco, Massachusetts, and Texas created a perfect storm that played perfectly into Karl Rove's hands. The tactic - use state gay marriage amendments as the foundation upon which to mobilize the religious fundamentalist vote.

I'm really sorry that my amoral lifestyle choice lost Kerry the election. I guess I have no choice but to give up my sinful ways, get married to a woman, and make her and myself miserable ever after.

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contradiction added:

Now, now. Let's not be drastic. Nobody says you have to get married. Celibacy is fine, too. In fact, the moral police will probably look the other way if you masturbate, so long as you only think about women while doing it.

Posted on November 4, 2004 8:52 AM

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