June 7, 2005

Unsurprisingly, Pope Benedict XVI pronounced same-sex marriage as "expressions of an anarchic freedom," but also magnanimously included civil unions and trial marriages, so it's not just the gays to blame this time! He said that marriage is not just a "casual sociological construction" that could be changed at certain times, but that it's an institution, like Disneyland, John Waters, and the fuck-me pump.

Not content to merely insult anyone engaged in a union or coupling that doesn't end in the marriage of one man to one woman, his Popeness also condemned divorce and artifical birth control, stating that these were dangerous to the family.

"The greatest expression of freedom is not the search for pleasure," he said, and then did not add, "rather, it is when one manages to hold off for a while during sex, you know, and not come suddenly, but to let it build, and build, and build, lots of stroking, some sucking, keep building, maybe even back off, you know, kiss each other, some fondling, nipple play works, too, and then hit it again and keep going and then really blow your load. Man, that is sweet."

Smoove D added:

Fuck the Pope! Birth control is the best thing that ever happened to the human race. In fact, mandatory sterilization for all is a great idea!

Ichthys added:

Marriage isn't an institution, it's a sacrament. Taking it lightly (trial marriages) and entering into it wrongly (divorce) devalue what can be a glorious union and has long term consequences for one's mental and physical health.

Kalin added:

I think people were meant to mate for life when they died at the age of 32, like back in the 1100's.
I can't imagine not being able to change my mind after realizing that I have made a horrible mistake. Divorce can be a good thing. Staying in a bad, or possibly abusive relationship for the sense of duty and honor is idiotic.
Oh, and yay birth control. It's one of the only things that distinguishes us from other animals in heat.

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