Money for nothing, chicks for free

Before we start getting all verklempt about Canada being some bastion of free-thinking, equal-rights bastion of North America, here’s where the other show drops, and it ain’t Prada.

The conservative Tories up Canada way are trying to delay the vote on same-sex marriage legalization by bribing the majority Liberal party, saying they won’t filibuster the $4.6 billion budget bill if the vote on C-38 can wait until fall.

The Tories have threatened to shove 90 mouths up on the dais to delay the budget but are willing to back off if the same-sex marriage question — which seems sure of passage — were delayed instead.

But in Halifax, there’s no talk of delays as the first gay wedding in the Canadian military came off without — or, I guess, with — a hitch. Two men, a sergeant and a warrent officer, were married by a United Church minister because the base chaplain, Lt-Cmdr. David Greenwood, is Anglican and can’t officiate same-sex vows. He did, however, help to arrange the service and preached during the ceremony.

Call to Action: Save Sesame Street

Okay, boys and girls, who here loves Big Bird, Bert and Ernie, the Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch? Hands?

Put your hands down and place them on your mice and click over to MoveOn.org to sign the petition to Save NPR and PBS. A House panel recently voted to eliminate all public funding for NPR and PBS over the next two years, starting with a full pull-out from commercial-free children’s programming.

Whuh huh? Yes, you read that right. The same Republican-lead, tit-fearing government that keeps screaming, “But what about the children?!?” wants to stop using tax dollars to fund Sesame Street and Reading Rainbow and Arthur, leaving us only the McDonald’s Coca Cola all-sugar Funtime Hour on FOX.

Go. Sign. Pass it on.

Gay, Canada!

Every single one of Canada’s existing heterosexual marriages came one step closer to being rendered meaningless as the nation’s ruling government approved four confidence votes in favor of the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout Canada.

God did not appear in a puff of smoke and rain fire and brimstone down on the provinces, nor did Jesus and/or The Holy Ghost come riding in on chariots, and not even Satan made an appearence laughing and passing out cigars as Canada comes within one final step of joining the Netherlands and Belgium as havens of heathen sex rituals.

When asked why no natural disasters befell Canada, yet a 7.2 earthquake struck off the coast of California which recently voted down the question of same-sex marriages, God only shrugged and went back to playing Texas Hold ‘em at the Golden Palace along with a grilled cheese sandwich with a picture of the Virgin Mary and a Dorito shaped like the Pope.

Vegetative is as vegitative does

It appears that the miracle Terri Schiavo needed from God or Jesus or the U.S. Congress or Shrub or somebody was the regeneration of half her brain, because the coroner’s report released today shows that it weighed half of what it should have and had atrophied so profoundly that the damage was irreversible.

There was also no evidence that she had suffered broken bones or any other injuries as the result of abuse, as her family had accused, and her original attack was probably not the result of an eating disorder.

Official cause of death was dehydration, not starvation, and even if she had been fed after her feeding tube was removed she could not have swallowed and would probably have choked to death.

In other words, everything the husband claimed was true, and everything the parents claimed was false.

Concordence

Japan and France signed an agreement at the Paris Air Show to spend nearly $2 million a year for the next three years to develop the next supersonic jet. Britain and France retired the Concorde, a money-losing beauty of the skies, in 2003 after 34 years of service.

The new jet is planned to have 300 seats and fly passengers from New York to Tokyo in six hours.

Suicidal tendencies

We try to keep up, we really do, but one can only visit so many websites in a day! So please forgive us for pointing out that on the official Family Guy Blog, there was a tiny little debate between a cartoonist who said that when another cartoonist blew his own brains out on July 4th, 2001, it was completely understandable, because cartoonists lead lives of quiet desperation leading, apparently, to a need to kill one’s in-laws and then speed down Ventura Boulevard chased by cops until, cornered, the only natural outcome is to shoot oneself in one’s head, despondent about that one frame in that episode of Jem and the Holograms that one fucked up.

On the other hand, being a cartoonist is pretty much a bowl of cherries, and/or working as a cartoonist now is for geeks “what San Francisco must have been like for the Gays in the 70’s.” So they’re all wearing chaps and wifebeaters and huge, bushy mustaches and saving up for motorcycle boots and chest hair implants, or something.

Who knew?