Everything gives you cancer

Acrylamide is formed when starchy foods are baked or fried at high temperatures. Acrylamide is on a list of chemicals known to cause cancer by the California Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment. So, the Environmental Law Foundation wants to put warning labels on potato chips that eating them might, you know, kill you.

Leaving aside for a moment the fact that eating too much of anything deep-fried is an invitation to a heart attack, and that FDA has concluded that acrylamide does kill lab rats if they eat acrylamide in high doses, do we really need warning labels on potato chips to know that they’re bad for us? And, honestly, wouldn’t that make you want to eat them?

Cancer! It’s what’s for dinner!

Knowing that your credit card number was stolen: Priceless!

Not to set you off on a panic or anything, but if I were in your shoes — and I kind of am — I’d give close scrutiny to your next credit card statements, because 40 million credit card numbers were stolen off the computer network of a processor in Tucson, Arizona.

These were from transactions from over 100,000 small business, and it covers cards from all banks and brands, no matter “what’s in your wallet.” Visa, MasterCard, Discover and American Express all had card numbers stolen.

MasterCard identified the processor through it’s fraud-monitoring system, but has no plans to be re-issuing any cards since that could cost them, and the other credit companies, $10 per card.

Deep impact

If you live in California, you might want to keep this page bookmarked, just in case.

Boy's Town

All those freaks who supported Peter Pan Jackson during his trial for Jesus Juicing a young boy may get to see their hero perform live this Saturday at an invitation-only party which may turn out to be more of a concert, judging by the set up.

The sound and lighting crew at The Chumash Casino in Santa Ynez will all be reporting to work on Saturday, and the casino security is being beefed up to handle the evening. No plans have been made public, but sources close to the Nosed One hint that in addition to food and drink, there’ll be plenty of boys for everyone!

Brain damaged

The autopsy’s in, the evidence has been presented, everything’s finally settled about Terri Schiavo… except her parents dispute the results, insist that their daughter interacted with them even though she had half a brain and was blind, and they’re not done with the courts, yet. They want other medical experts to look at the autopsy and, according to their lawyer, they may take some unspecified legal action against somebody for something.

And it doesn’t stop there. Florida Governor and Presidential brother Jeb Bush wants an investigation concerning the original 911 call 15 years ago because Michael Shiavo said in 1992 that Terri collapsed at 5 a.m., then in 2003 he said it was 4:30 a.m., but there was no 911 call recorded until 5:40 a.m. So please, when your partner collapses to the floor, remember to check your watch, people, and be consistent about when they lost consciousness and took one step closer to death. I’m sure that’ll be the first thing all of us will remember when dealing with personal tragedy.

Bush’s brother, meanwhile, through White House spokesdork Scott McClellan, said that the autopsy did nothing to change Shrub’s own half-mind about the extraordinary and unconstitutional actions the federal government took during the whole mess, and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, a heart surgeon who looked at a small portion of a video of Terri nodding her head and said “she certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli,” now denies that what he said was a diagnosis and also said that he’d do it all again.

Probably because it’s been so much fun for everyone concerned.

Wiscon-SIN

Say you’re a conservative state assembly somewhere in America and you don’t think your state colleges should be using tax dollars to promote promiscuity among the students. What do you do?

If you’re Wisconsin, you approve a ban on the sale of the pregnancy-blocking, by-prescription-only Morning-After Pill which will obviously make students think twice before fucking like bunnies in heat, right?

Both Republican-controlled chambers of the Wisconsin Assembly approved the bill on Thursday. It prohibits University of Wisconsin health centers from advertising, prescribing or dispensing emergency contraception. The bill was introduced after a health clinic serving UW-Madison students advertised in campus papers that getting a prescription ahead of any Spring Break drunken shenanigans might be a wise move. Democratic Gov. Jim Doyle says he’ll veto it.

So once again please remember, when Republicans say they want government out of your life, what they mean is that they want government inside your bedroom (or dorm room (or the backseat of your Toyota)).