Democratic hopes in 2K Presidential race dashed

May 23, 2005

Democrats and Concerned American Scientists Against Kansas had their dreams of time travelling back to the year 2000 to replace a Supreme Court justice with Michael J Fox and thereby change the outcome of the Presidential race, saving the planet’s ecological system, the nation’s economic future and several thousand US soldiers from death in a pointless war about oil are being forced to go back to the drawing board because wormholes are useless.

“What a nuisance,” summed up one member of the scientific community, “particularly when we were so close. I mean, trying to do anything about Florida was far too difficult. Replacing Jeb Bush and Kathleen What’s-Her-Name and that butterfly ballot designer and… it was just a mess. But we had Mr. Fox all lined up and we were really close to an agreement with Whoopi Goldberg to replace Clarence Thomas and now this. It’s really a shame.”

Researchers are now turning their attention to the so-called Star Trek Slingshot method, whereby a ship is launched toward the sun and goes so fast that it ends up going back in time to the exact moment necessary to save a couple of whales. The trick is then how to fool the nation into believing that two whales are, in fact, Justices Scalia and Rehnquist.

Well, maybe Scalia would be easy.

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Posted on May 23, 2005 at 01:10PM • 0 Comments • Permalink • Read more in Science Friction

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