Fags pollute Illinois lake

The Gay Games happen every four years, just like all teh other celebrations of athletic prowess, only with more style. One doesn't have to be gay to participate, but it's probably a given that you're going to be ogled not only for how you handle a javelin, but how you handle a javelin, wink wink.

This July, Chicago is hosting the thousands of athletes and fans and the needed a place for the rowers to row. Enter Crystal Lake, Illinois, population 40,000. What was the reaction in this little 'burb to the thought of several dozen wet, muscular rowers getting into their lake and shoving their boats through the waves? Not all peaches and cream.

The question is no longer, "do we want a lot of people coming in and spoiling our quiet little town," and has become, "do we want to legitimize homosexuality and tell our little children it's all okay to be, you know, different 'in that way'?"

Angry letters have shown up the local paper, with fears that so much gay all over the place can't help but create an atmosphere of R-rated half-clad shenanigans because, really, isn't that all the gays think about all the time?

Gay Games spokesman Kevin Boyer says the Games aren't about pushing any agenda other than the tried-and-true and somewhat false premise that we're all the same inside and can't we all just get along? The fact that a rowing competition has caused all this commotion pretty much answers that question, don't it?